On Monday and Tuesday I had the privilege to go to Lebanon Oregon for a intern training. It was amazing!
As we learned about what it is to be a team player and a leader God started to reveal to me several things.
I struggle with trust. That wasn’t anything new to me. As many people have come in and out of my life it has been evident that is a sore spot in my heart. What the speaker said that really hurt my heart was that God was only as close to me as the closest person in my life! As someone who is in ministry and has accepted a call on her life I instantly wanted to ignore this comment and the instant twinge of pain it caused me. The speaker just had to be wrong… or maybe I didn’t really hold people as much at arms length as I had thought.
Unfortunately I knew that the last statement was not true. Because of past hurts I have learned to let people only so far and then no further because they might hurt me, whether intentional or unintentional. It is human nature because we are all fallen, fallible beings saved only by God’s grace and mercy. I have seen it even in my moving out to Montana how I have withdrawn from my friends out East in many ways because I know that life goes on for them and in that the friendship might be lost or forgotten. In a way I disengage the friendship first so that I won’t be the one hurt when there is no call, letter, message, or response to these things. By doing this however, I end up hurting myself, I allow the thing that I feared happen because I withdraw from the friendship first and loose what very well could have never been lost in the first place.
Does this make any sense??
So when the speaker said that about Jesus and God I thought he must be crazy! I am close to God! I have given Him my life, my finances, my future, my past, my time interning… what more could He want from me?
He wants my trust!
He wants me to know that He is HOLY!
It is against His nature to be anything that would be considered unholy. So when the bible says that He will never leave you or forsake you, Its TRUE! God will never abandon me, he will never hurt me.
In the Garden when Eve was tempted she was told a lie, that God was holding out on her.
So we as women struggle with that lie throughout our life. We look at others lives and see how much God has blessed them with relationships, finances, friendships, security, blessings and we say well God my life doesn’t look like theirs so you must be holding something from me.
Its not that God is holding out on me… Its that I am not TRUSTING Him with my whole life!
God is taking me through the process of truly learning what it means to trust Him in EVERY area of my life. That looks different in each persons life so that is where when we compare we start to believe the lie. God is faithful to complete the work that He has started in my life and yours and He will show you that He is trustworthy if you seek His face.
If you too are struggling with understanding how much he wants to bless your life completely, don’t look to others as a comparison first of all. And secondly, ask God to reveal Himself to you fully and trust Him to do it!
But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.”