Life makes no promises

Life makes no promises

As I was crying my way to the end of the movie The Book Thief, her words resonated in my soul.

All I have learned is that life makes no promises.

So I better get started.

I have always tried to ignore it, but I know this all started

with a train, and some snow and my brother.

Outside the car the world was thrown into a snow shaker.

Onto a place called Heavens St., a man with an accordion heart

and a woman cloaked in thunder waited for their new daughter.

He lived under our stairs like a quiet owl with no wings until the

sun forgot what his face was…

~Painted on the wall is the word WRITE~

For Max who gave me eyes”

(Exert from the movie~ No rights are mine simply quoting)

Photo from the movie The Book Thief.

Photo from the movie The Book Thief.

This movie has inspired me to write again.

I look at Liesl’s life and the strength in her character. I look at the pain that her tender heart had to endure from such a young age. Loosing her brother, her mother, and so many more in her life during a time in history when everything was tenuous, fear laden and impossible for a child to understand, yet through it all she grew stronger from the pain, heart ache and sadness. She learned the value of standing up for what she believed, how to love even when it is scary and how to understand that nothing is promised in this life, not even life itself.

How easily I have forgotten this and am thankful for this reminder today.

I grew up in a generation that has the mind-set that the world owes them something.

Happiness

Freedom

Wealth

And all the things that we take for granted.

This generation has known war

but never like the World Wars that generations before us have witnessed and seen,

most right at their door steps like young Liesl.

We do know some pain, heart ache and sadness, I will not discount that, however the majority of us do not know anything of a constant fear wondering if our home is going to be bombed, raided or where we are going to get our next meal.

We have grown soft in standing up for whats right, good, moral and just,

because we want to just fit in, not draw attention to ourselves or offend.

I have always been told since a young age that I was rebellious to authority.

I truly don’t think it has ever been my heart to be so.

I have always wanted to have someone to look up to, mentor me and inspire me to be better

however

when I question things

I am chastised for not conforming to the norm.

I am told to be the “Change I want to see in the world”

yet when I voice something that may be contrary to someone’s belief and stand

I am knocked down

by the bully’s that are trying to control things.

I have let people dictate and push me down for so long, afraid that I would rock the boat

or cause adverse reactions on myself, my family and friends.

I understand Liesl’s fears in wanting to stand up to things but being fearful harm would come to the ones she has grown to love so very much.

I want to be as Liesl, not afraid to walk through the Jews being paraded down the street and passionately look for Max and voice that she will never forget him.

I want to read, grow and better myself just as she did when it was anything but acceptable to do, not to mention illegal.

I want to love someone so much that even though fear may come at the thought of loosing them I do not allow bitterness and a hardness to creep in and steal the ability to love again.

And I want to write just like she did, not fearful of how people will respond but to know that there is a story locked inside that must get out!

For too many years I have let fears control my life in relationships, in everyday events,

in leadership and in my walk with Jesus.

I don’t want to live that way any longer.

I want to live as Liesl and understand that life promises nothing

so I better get started!

Advertisements

9 months down… 3 months to go!

Today during my quiet time with God I was reminded how it had been a long time since I have written an update letter to the people who have diligently prayed for and supported me through this season in my life. As I sat down to write this I looked at the date in the bottom right hand corner of my computer and chuckled at God’s sense of humor as today marks exactly 9 months here in Missoula, MT interning for Teen Challenge Montana Outreach Women’s Center!
Boy oh boy what I ride!! This has been the best and the hardest 9 months of my life thus far! I am learning that when you start a prayer like I did so very long ago asking God for more than just a basic Christian life that I would have to strap in for this ride and hold on tight to His love, grace and provision. He has a way of working, the twists and turns can sometimes cause butterflies in your stomach that won’t go away until His peace fills you and reminds you that its never in your strength but His alone!
So that is what He has been teaching me these past 9 months. First He has taken me on a healing journey that has helped me to identify the ways that I had misjudged His love, grace and hand in my life for that of a strong angry judge based on the Old Testament God that I had learned so much about growing up. What He so lovingly has been showing me is that when we go through the fires of life that He is there, it wasn’t necessarily Him that put me through the fire but usually my own rebellion and sin, that He never wastes any experience but instead uses it to purify us, cleanse us and make us extremely effective for His Kingdom work through it all!
I know I had arrived in Missoula thinking that I was going to spend all my time ministering to others and demonstrating God’s love but as I ran headlong into the walls of my own building, I learned that before I could effectively minister to others I had to let God truly minister to my broken and mangled heart. When I arrived I had been told to set up boundaries so that I wouldn’t get burnt out working in ministry (especially when living on site) however I had never been taught how to set up boundaries or what that looked like. So instead of a gate that would allow others to come and go as I deemed, a deep mote with a broken draw bridge went around the walls I had already erected unknowingly to protect my bruised and battered heart. As God lovingly wooed me with his grace, mercy and tenderly ministering to the one who so desperately wanted to be used, I could feel that brick by brick I was dismantling the protective shell I had placed around myself. God has shown me what unconditional love is and through 1 Corinthians 13 I am learning to effectively walk this out each day. Im definitely not perfect at it, nor will I ever attain perfection however I no longer fear that. I no longer have the attitude that there is no use trying if I can not be perfect in my actions, thoughts and deeds. Instead God is showing me that it is in my weakness that He is strong and uses me for His good and glory!
As my internship comes to a close, with only 3 ½ months remaining it is with anticipation and a tiny bit of trepidation that I look to the future and wonder what God has for me next. A normal life is definitely not what I prayed for so long ago, which can be both an adventure and a challenge all at the same time. At age 34, I know that I have done more than some and yet there are many things that I desire that I have not done like be a Godly wife and mother. I know that as I remain focused on furthering His kingdom that he will one day honor the desires of my heart so I will not rush ahead of Him or lag behind dragging my feet in the feeling of defeat of the what might have beens. I will know that as my Heavenly Father who loves to give good gifts, He will in His time bless His faithful daughter with a life better than she could ask or imagine! While living in South Carolina I had started writing a book of my life and all of its twists and turns. My adorable loving Momma keeps asking me if I have wrote anything in it since then and I would continually tell her no. She would ask why and I couldn’t always answer her but now I know… Its not the end yet! I know it will never be then end until I pass away but with this book I want to show people and be an example of how God can take a messed up, mixed up felon of a person and redeem their life story to one that honors and glorifies Him. The story is unfolding and I can’t wait to see where He is taking me! Maybe I will pick the proverbial pen back up again as this season has taught me many things!
As a prayer warrior for me during this time in my life I can offer up several specific ways that you can direct your prayer time.
  • I may have a couple opportunities with different Teen Challenges in several different states and I am praying that God will guide and direct whichever is the one that I need to be at, if that’s the direction that He is sending me.
  • I also ask for prayer as long repressed dreams of having a coffee shop/art studio/ transitional housing place keeps surfacing but nothing tangible is presenting itself. It may be God is bringing it to the forefront of my mind and dreams as a vision for the future down the road so I am praying for contentment with that and give it to God knowing in His timing He will work wonders!
  • As some of you may know I don’t have a vehicle right now as it just wasn’t workable to have here during the beginning of my internship. I know God can provide above and beyond what we can ask or imagine so please pray that God, in His perfect timing, will provide the perfect vehicle for me that will be a beautifully dependable, low maintenance, good in adverse weather, good on gas and last me for a long time!
  • As I finish that God will give me the strength and stamina to run the race well and give Him the glory through it all!
I know I am horrible at writing snail mail letters, or these update letters for that matter =) but I do love to get an occasional note or letter of how others lives are and how I can pray for you as well.
If you want to correspond my address is 3815 S. 7th St. W. Missoula, MT 59804
I would love to hear from everyone but I also know how crazy busy people’s lives are now a days!
An email or facebook post would be just as good too! =)

 

Relationships, Guys have their “lists” too!

As I sit listening to my sweet dear friend tell me how this amazing Christian guy broke the news to her that he just sees them as “friends” and how he went about breaking the news, a sadness and let me be honest, an anger entered my heart. After months of them hanging out and the awkwardness of trying to figure out if they liked each other more than friends his response to her question was both out of character and upsetting. They had been on several “outings” and hang out times, so it was NOT like her question of “Do you want to go out for coffee?” was out of line. Honestly I think that his blundering response saying that he just saw her as a friend was totally out of line. Not only that but the timing, way it was handled and his ineptness at respecting her is what can hurt a heart and ruin what could have still be a great friendship.

I just finished the book Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris.  Though there are many things I liked and agreed with in the book having it written only from a male point of view was challenging to read for me. I do think he did an ok job at telling the girls how they need to let the man take the lead and to wait for a good christian guy to approach them or their parents in request to court them.

The problem however from my point of view is I think he lost sight of and really didn’t address the audience of “good christian guys” and how they need to step up and be the man.  Not in a conquer the world, rude way but in a gentle, humble way seeking God for the right time and way to speak to a lady about where things are going… or not going in this case.

My friend lamented that if he had just given her the respect and honor of  having coffee with her and during that time had a conversation about how he was feeling that it was just staying at friendship level then it wouldn’t have been so hard as the awkward, almost disrespectful way he blurted out over the phone that he didn’t like her THAT way! It hurt my heart to hear the way he flipantly communicates with her even still and talks down to her. She not only does not deserve that, it is not how a christian man of God should treat a sister in christ at all.

Men of God have this unrealistic list of what their future wife should look like, act like and be. I swear in their mind they are combining the Proverbs 31 women with their sunday school teacher, add in the Victoria Secret model into the list of physical attributes on the list, with someone that can cook like Martha Stewart and serve like Mother Theresa, be good in bed like the greatest porn star and you might just begin to touch on what a christian guys expectations begin to look like. UNREALISTIC!

To shorten the phrase “good christian fella” I am just going to use the acronym

“GCF” and in the same respect I will use will use “GCG” for good christian girl….

It has been talked about and made fun of in movies over and over again about how women have this “list” of what she wants in a man and how this list is not only the majority of the time very unrealistic but can be hurtful to others in her life and potential dates.  I would like to argue, however that GCF’s have way more ideals and expectations of what they want, the  must have’s in a christian women or they will not even consider getting to know her. In doing that men are not only hurting their christian sisters but also forming the belief in these beautiful women of God that there is something ultimately wrong with them.

They not only allow these ideals to enter their attitudes towards their christian sisters but they also use the bible as a weapon against them to support their reasonings for having these specifications. The bible is NEVER to be used as a weapon against our fellow flesh and blood but to fight the war against the evils and principalities of this present darkness. I do believe that there is a need to be spiritually equally yoked however I have seen so many GCFs with there expectations so exponentially high that not only could no women be all that they expect but they themselves are not willing to be the man that a women that amazing would want to be with!

A Proverbs 31 women is a great ideal to want to work towards as a christian women but for men to use that as their checklist on what these young christian women should be like is not only wishful thinking but impossible to accomplish. We are all in the process of growing into men and women of God but if we are expecting each other to have already reached perfection  before we will date or marry someone, this is not only so totally flawed but hurting others.

Jesus didn’t tell the women caught in adultery or the women at the well that they had to clean themselves up before they could come to him for healing, rest, love and acceptance. He loved them in spite of their imperfections and saw the beautiful creations that God had formed with his own hands. He did tell them to go and sin no longer which I believe he made possible through divine intervention in their lives, not just by saying the words and expecting them to accomplish that themselves.

He isn’t a God that just leaves us where we are,

He always loves us where we are.

He  transforms a willing heart and works through others to allow us to become better and more than we could ever ask or imagine. Honestly in the based on the times these stories were written and  the society they lived in, those women COULD NOT have “cleaned” themselves up by themselves. Maybe that is what is so beautifully messy about these women’s stories! In and of themselves there was nothing they could do to change their circumstances. Jesus provided them an alternative and the early church provided a safe place for these women so that they might not have to go back to their life. What if men in the church had refused to help these women based on their stereotype or the women of the early church had shunned these women for the life they had seen as their only means of survival?

I am seeing more and more men in the church becoming complacent, wanting a women to take the lead, then allow animosity to grow when women do that because men are truly built to lead.

 God designed us with specific roles and traits so that we would compliment each other, join together in a marriage and make a difference for His kingdom. GCF’s say that they want a women that will stand behind them and help them with the ministry that they are called to, however I do not think that was ever God’s desire for how relationship should be. He made women to be man’s helpmate side by side with himhaving the same vision and calling. Even when it is in separate areas of ministry I believe that they should complement each other enough that together they are doing more good for God’s kingdom than they could do being single.

I see GCF’s seeking out women they think their ideal wife should look like and shallowly discounting amazing christian women who do not fit in their mindset of what their “perfect” is. Don’t get me wrong I am not discrediting attraction and the need for it however when that is the top priority on their list they are allowing the worldliness of unrealistic body images to form how they react, interact and treat their sisters in Christ. If she is not the correct height, weight, hair color or body shape then they automatically discount her a possible candidate. That is not only hurtful but also not biblical. In fact if men truly read all the way through Proverbs 31 would find out that in verse 30 that it says, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a women that fears the Lord is to be praised and esteemed as a reward.

This attitude of worldly attraction creates issues in your fellow sisters lives that cause them to fall into the worlds issues of body image problems like bulimia, anorexia, and a hurt that is not easily remedied. In our country alone over 7 million women have an eating disorder and they estimate at least 2 million more that have never been diagnosed. You can bet that it is NOT just something outside of the church that people struggle with. I am not putting the blame fully on christian men so please understand that. A mixture of society expectations, self- expectations placed on herself mingled with rejection from men equals a recipe for disaster in a woman’s life.

According to C.S. Lewis,

Image not mine. Image found via Time Warp-wife on FB.

Image not mine. Image found via Time Warp-wife on FB.

So what am I suggesting or what is my point, you ask?

I would ask that if you are a true man of God reading this that you will prayerfully consider and examine where you may have placed high, unattainable expectations on christian sisters in your life.

If you have hurt one based on those unrealistic expectations then I would encourage you to man up and apologize to your sister because guarenteed you have left a scar on her heart whether you intended to or not.

And lastly, when in a pre-courtship friendship with a girl don’t lead her astray with extra words of affection or compliments. Especially more attention and affection than you would show to any other sister in Christ.  Women are wired to accept compliments, words of the future or anything more than you would offer a sister as a form of affection and when her heart hears those words then she begins to open her heart up to the possibilities of something more than just friendship. Guard your sisters heart and truly learn to live out 1 Corinthians where you learn that love does not insist on its own way, it rejoices in the truth that we are all intricately made, fashioned and loved by the creator of the whole world! If you view each sister as such instead of in the categories of haves and have nots then you will begin to see the beauty that God elaborately instilled in each and every sister you come into contact with.

Who knows you just might find your compatible and have an attraction towards someone you never thought you might!

I know this post may seem that I am bashing on men and godly men at that but I would tell my sisters to guard themselves on these things also. Your “lists” should only be a guide and reminder of the Godly traits you desire, be willing to strive to grow into the women of God that would attract a man that has those traits and be willing to give each and every person you meet grace, love and acceptance knowing that we are all works in progress!

Third Month in Missoula Montana

3 months!
How time flies when you are doing God’s work!

I don’t even know where to begin as so much has happened in the month that I have written. I completed my second course through the TCMI training that I am taking and finished with an A+! I started a new course doing the workbook Experiencing God and am working on my orientation course work that every intern must complete. That alone has kept me pretty busy.

God is really teaching me so many things! I am unearthing the authentic meaning of love according to 1 Corinthians 13 and boy is it a challenging verse to learn. People in our society throw the words “I love you” around so flippantly however few can truly say that they live out the majority of the characteristics of love that are mentioned in that verse. I know I haven’t been able to! I am a runner! When love gets hard I flee!

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
How many times have I quoted this verse? A hundred.. maybe more!
How many times have I thought that I am loving others like this yet in my heart I am jealous of where God has them in their life?

Or wished something upon someone that did something to me that hurt?

This world views an enemy as someone that we no longer have to love however it says in Luke 6: 27-28

But to you who are listening I say
Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

I don’t know what I expected coming out here but God opened my eyes to the fact that these women, myself included, are broken, hurt, scared, and scarred individuals who don’t know what it means to give or receive true love. Many of us have not been shown authentic love by anyone in our lives or only by one or two others and the bad has out weighed the good.

This season of my life I am learning to love women who don’t trust, who struggle with wondering what others intentions are every time someone does something and who quite frankly have a hard time loving me back. Which is a challenge for me as being loved and accepted has been a life long pursuit that I am learning has to be filled with God first before anyone else can be let in to fill the rest of our heart. The God shaped hole has to be filled first before we can truly love others authentically and completely!

Another lesson that God is teaching me is in light of the devastating bombing that happened in Boston yesterday. The women at the center that I am interning for can not watch anything on TV other than the news and a few other center approved things. Though I had seen it plastered all over Facebook I didn’t want to tell them what was going on partly due to wanting to protect them from heart wrenching news like that and also I didn’t want to voice what happened. I could feel my emotions going on auto-pilot and this feeling of apathy coming back. One of the ladies came and said she heard about the bombings on the radio and wanted to watch the news. I cringed at the thought and didn’t want to watch knowing that my heart was hurting with the little amount that I did know. The ironic and sad thing is that we turned on the news and the story allotment the local news gave it was about a minute but no more than two minutes! They assured Montana residents that no person from Montana was hurt at the race and all were accounted for. Then moved on to Grizzly football…

As I lay in bed last night and prayed about my response to all that had happened God prompted my heart that I should have hit my knees with the ladies that were in the house and we should have interceded for the families that were affected! How quickly I am to try and sweep my emotional hurts under the rug, not wanting to break down and feel the pain of what happened.

Romans 12:15 says

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

God wants us to experience life with each other and share in those emotional things that touch those around us or even affect a nation. It is healthy to mourn the loss of a young child that was waiting for his father at the finish line! That child’s life was cut short due to an evil person doing a heinous act. The light at the end of the tunnel is to know that there are more good people in the world than the few bad people. The amount of people that rushed to aid others was awe inspiring! These people know some form of love and I want to be more like that!

Those lessons are some pretty big things! On top of all that is my daily responsibilities or what the ladies hate to refer it to but what others would know as my job. We had our annual banquet this last Friday which was my 3 month “anniversary” here in Montana. Our annual Banquet is the main event that helps us to raise as much money as possible to continue the ministry through out the coming year. It is a stress packed time making sure we have as many items, donations and package getaways as possible to make the silent auction and live auction the most successful it can be. At fifty dollars per seat we have to make it as much as possible worth someone paying that much and showing them how we are using their hard earned money for the good of each and every women that comes to our Center. The weeks preceding the Banquet were jam packed with tasks and assisting where needed. It also marked the end of the other interns time here and the start of God teaching me what it looks like to be the only intern. All in all you can say it was a challenging couple weeks!

Through it all God was faithful to show up! Even down to the night of the event and the hotel calling the house to tell me, the measly intern, as all the staff were home getting ready themselves, that the power was out at the hotel and they didn’t know when it would come back on!! Oh Lord! Boy did the girls start praying and reminding the devil that he had no place not only at the house but also at the hotel where the banquet was being held. It was so awesome to see the women praying as they were getting all dressed up, putting on makeup and getting their hair done! I am so blessed to be able to see awesome moments like that and so many more. It makes it all worth while when I see the ladies who are new creations in Christ exerting their God given rights to tell the devil where to go!! =)
I am honored to be learning all of these awesome lessons God is teaching me right along side these women who remind me so much of the way that I was and in some areas still struggle. I am learning though that God is not finished with us yet and together we will run the race set before us!

Almost a week in Missoula, MT!

Missoula

Beautiful mountain view from my backyard!

My new home!

I arrived in Missoula, MT after a very only day traveling on Saturday.

It is so beautiful here and out of all the places I have lived this feels like home the most. Its a weird feeling since I haven’t felt at home for a very long time. I’m still not a huge fan of the snow however Missoula makes it look beautiful and therefore bearable! =)

I moved out here not really knowing much about what I was getting into but God is so amazing in working out all the details of a life that has fully surrendered to Him. I came out here with just 2 suitcases, a carry on and my laptop! In less than a week He has blessed me with more than I could have asked for or imagined! I have a nice room in a beautiful home! My own bathroom! YAY!! And the freedom to make it mine!

I have had the privilage of getting to know the women that are going through the drug and alcohol program that I am interning with and they are amazing! God is doing such a work with this ministry and I am excited to be a part of it!

I had the opportunity to share my testimony with the women last night and their wasn’t a dry eye in the house. When they heard from the staff that I had never been through the program they had their doubts about me and whether I could relate to the things that they were going through. After last night not one of them has any worry that I don’t understand where they are at.

Im going into this opportunity knowing that I can not change the world or even them for that matter. Change has to be something that each person wants for themselves. God has shown me that I am here to love each and every women in the program, I am here to be there biggest cheerleader and to shine God’s grace every day!

I am ecstatic that I get to help out with the thrift store that the girls work at and hope to be able to also impliment many other great ideas that God has put in my mind. I want to get a volunteer opportunity program going for each women to give back in whatever way they are gifted. Its when a person is giving that they don’t have time to dwell on the negatives of their lives but to see what a blessing they can truly be to others. I also have several of the girls that love all things art like me and am super excited to be able to start doing projects with them! I am hoping and praying that we will be able to get some canvases so they can start channeling things artistically. Pinterest is a God send and the women love getting ideas for projects they would like to try!

I can’t wait to see this year unfold and am trying to be disciplined in documenting as much of it as I can because it will be gone before I know it and I want to remember as much of it as I can!

Stay tuned for more amazing updates!

God bless!!

Do not worry

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

Many times in my life I have needlessly worried about the above things. I have thought that God wasn’t interested in my every day life enough to provide for my every needs. A dear friends close friend prayed for me yesterday and in her prayer God spoke through her to tell me to remember that He is in EVERYTHING! He loves details!

God could have easily just made a world for us to live on that had plain basic food for us to live on, a light source that was just enough for us to survive and had a plan that didn’t include saving us from ourselves.

But he didn’t do any of those things!

He made a world that we could enjoy, snow in the winter that we could play in, fields of wild flowers that we could run through and beautiful autumn leaves that we could marvel at! He made stars in the skies at night making them not only with a purpose but also making them beautiful so that his creation could stand in awe of their beauty! He gave us such a variety of food that each person could use and make things according to their own taste.

And best of all He made a plan for us when we stumble and fall. He doesn’t want to leave us where we are at but has a deep desire to see us draw near to Him, fall deeply in love with the creator of the universe and become sons and daughters of the most high through adoption.

If He has taken care of all of these details that we can not even begin to fathom. That science has yet to discover. Then wouldn’t it be even more awesome for our minds to wrap around the fact that He has every detail of our life in the palm of His hand if we give Him the control He so yearns to have in our lives.

Like I have stated in previous posts, God is a gentleman. He will not take control over someone that doesn’t want Him. He is not like men of earth that use their power and control to manipulate and use others for his own gain. He will not take your weaknesses and use them against you! Instead He desires to make your weaknesses stronger through His presence and Spirit in your life.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,

 I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”

Revelation 3:20

As a women who has never really had great role models of men, this it is a new concept for me. It is a constant struggle to consciously remind myself that God has my best in mind and that I don’t have to be fearful of what that best may be. His best is not anything compared to what man’s view may be for your best. Its not a controlling, manipulative “best” that doesn’t think of your feelings, well being, or emotions.

I am so thankful that God is teaching me this! As I step out in faith to move 2,195 miles away from “home” I am learning to trust Him for every detail of this new adventure!

As people started asking me questions about my new adventure, I realized how much I didn’t know about the details of what I would be doing day to day, down to the details of what my room would be like. The “old” me would have had to know all of these details so I could stress about them and how I would adapt to this new environment. Yet, I have found that I haven’t necessarily pursued finding out these details because I am trying to learn to leave the details up to God. I am learning that He will prepare and give me what I need to get through each day if I am continuing to look to Him each and every day.

We can’t say to God.. “Ok deal with the details!” And then sit back lazily and expect it to all unfold! BUT… we do have to daily remind ourselves that the details are His, ask Him to use you that day in whatever way He sees fit and then go on the adventure of walking out each step and have the faith that He will direct each step! Notice the word “step” is an action word while “sit” is a stationary word.

I have fallen prey to this misgiving as I know many others have. I wanted to be patient, sit and wait for God’s plan for my life to unfold but God wants us to be doing His will daily, learning to be faithful in the little things (steps) while He is preparing us for the big picture of our life!

If we first SIT in His presence then we will be able to effectively STEP out in faith!

I am so excited that God  is willing to use me and I pray that I will continue to first sit in His presence and then walk out what I can be confident He wants me to do each and every day!

Focus on each and every day! Because…

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Old post… revisited

I wrote this blog post July 17, 2010. I was going through a lot at that time in my life, trying to figure out if I was supposed to go to India and when, my mom was falling in love with a guy we barely knew very quickly and we felt it was moving way to fast and I was trying to decide where I would live when they got married.

Its awesome how you can look back on your writings and see how God used that time to work it all out for His good! I just needed that reminder tonight and the last couple days! Hope it speaks to someone as well!

Why do we hide our struggles?

So I think this blogging may become addicting! Only day 2 and I have been thinking about so many different things I have wanted to write about!

After a very exhausting week emotional and physically at work I was so ready to throw in the towel and just not do anything today! I didn’t want to talk to any one or see any one.

Though the solitude today was nice I knew that I was falling into one of the devils many traps of isolating myself when going through struggles, so I text my friend and we planned a little time together! And on my way to a dear friends I thought about how the devil gets us to feel that way. We begin thinking that we are the only ones going through difficult or challenging times! He wants us so isolated that we think no one else in the world could be feeling what we are.

On my way over to her house as I was driving I could see this huge ominous, gray cloud over the town of Bath ( kinda like the cloud over Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh stories) It wasn’t raining, just hovering over the town like an oppressed, sad spirit… YET to the West I could see the sunset!! And though this cloud was there and you could feel it the sun was still shining on the town filling it with light! It was so beautiful to me and it showed me something!

There are times in our lives when it feels like our life is weighing down on us and that this oppression won’t go away. Like we are the only ones that can feel it… Its dark and it keeps us immobile… Its like that cloud… We feel that there is this little rain cloud over us that just won’t rain and won’t go away! YET… instead of looking straight up at the cloud… if you look into the distance you can see the SONset! He wants to light up your life and show you the way! He is there waiting for us to look and see the light guiding our every step!

So… the last thing I was struggling with is… why do we not want to share with others our struggles or what God has brought us through?!

So many Christians I have observed try to sweep under the rug the tough times… put on their smiles for church… and tell everyone they are “Fine!”

Isn’t it in our weakness that God is strong and glorified?!
Isn’t it in the trials that we learn the most?
Isn’t it in the hard times that we grow into the person that God is shaping us to be?

Why then would we want to hide that from others?

God has put us here to come together and share in each others joys and sorrows… our laughter and tears… our ups and downs… our times of famine and our times of feast! God gave us friendships to help us to see that we are not alone in this world! And that your friend might be going through the same exact think that you have. If we hide the struggle we loose out on blessing that friend with encouragement and love! We miss out on crying on each others shoulder and knowing we are not alone! We miss out on opportunities to laugh together til our sides hurt! And most important we miss out on building lasting relationships that edify the Lord!

20121205-025027.jpg